-Jon Jon
-aHmAd IBraHIm graduate...
- Cadet Inspector...
-Hates backstabber...am a aimple guy actually
-LuVes gEo n bIo mAn....hOpE tAt pPl dUnt cAuSe fUrThEr dAmAgE tO eArTh
-Remember to tag before u leave....
Yup, yesterday was teacher's day and we "pei" miss tow 4 e whole day....
We gathered at yishun mrt station...funny enough, the always chao late de ma is so early today...soon, the others arrived and we set of to paragon....
be4 meeting miss tow...we went to taka 2 buy a gift for miss tow...after much debating, we finally settled on a mug...( some ppl still owe me $$..better owed up hoh)...
For the whole day, we went to catch a moive, eat saeke sushi, window shopping from orchard to marina square to seeing e merlion....
Yup, i do have a fun n enjoyable time yesterday, but something spoilt my mood...
well, ytd u all might have realized tat during the "trek" from orchard to city square, i was always ahead or behind the pack, maintaining my silence throughout. At 1 point of time i was even complaining of a gastric pain, till that u all think tat my action was due the above reason. u guys have asked mi the reason of my action, but i think i have avoided to ans the qn straight in the face...
so why?
Leading the way and having gastric pain are glorified reasons...they are NOT the main cause of me maintaining my silence or walking ahead/behind the pack...It was all due a simple and yet devasting reason : I felt outcasted... When edwin ask mi 2 shut my mouth for at least 5 min, i feel so much relieved...edwin had just found mi a perfect reason for not talking...for the whole day, u guys were like talking about japanese animation and of course music...both of which i have little interest in.... of course, i tried 2 change e topic alittle (tat sometimes explain my loud voice), but in the end it will always return back to the same topic...in the end i have learn to shut up, and let u guys enjoy urself...i was like thinking..why do i need 2 be a wet blanket?Spoilting all ur fun...nah, i felt that i can't do this..n of course naturally the outcasted feeling just came strongly...in the end, u might have observed this, or u might even not have, i prefer to stay with susan or with miss tow nearing the end of the trip.
Hiazz...
(Pls dont spread this story ard without my permission) well, been doing alot of thinking when i came home...to be frank, i had nth in common with ma besides talking about sc, taima n jas n of course school work....Do i watch jap animation? Nah.... Do i a passion for music like wat ma has? Nah..passion i darent say, but appreciation to music is to a certain extent... Do i even have a hp? Nah... (dont even dare to think of that)
Ma has tried to asked mi about the reason of results making a matter to mi...Had i told her straight in the face my side of my story? Nah...i feel that having to worry sc is too much 4 her...i dont wanna add another onto her fragile shoulder...but as i always say 2 jas or ma, bottling it in urself is not gd...i need an outlet, n to mi, my blog is my outlet....
I grew up in a rather average family...my dad, who did not have much education, had 5 mouths to feed...Those days, qualifications are important...my dad, not having much education, had not choice but to settle 4 a $1000+ job...imagine a $1000+ income feeding 5 mouths and having at least 2 (mi n my bro) kids tat r near schooling. Life was hard then. My dad had to scimp and save every penny that he had...he used to tell mi about he bringing his roti ( frm home) as lunch, while his other colleague enjoyed their lunch outside....Do i ,in the point of time, dared to think about my future? My future being able to play many musical pieces or even composing music or as a big doctor? My dad worked hard to provide me an education, which he realized tat as important. He, of course, dont want us to work the path which he had trodded...
At that point of time, i was still young ma...i didnt really think much...i continued to be the same old me...at that point of time, i didnt really ranked studying as my prime objectives...of course, my result tend 2 rise and fall abit...my mom, worrying about my studies, decided to went to work as well, in order to have a bit of leeway in the hse de $$, as well as to provide mi $$ for my tuition fees...did i realli think tat as an importance? Nah, i dot really think so...Till i saw my PSLE de results..though my mom didnt really say anithing or scolding me...but deep inside, i knew tat i had disappointed my mom alot....
So, i went to ai...with no friends from jing shan pri...suit me as well, as i am thinking...this is gonna to be a fresh start 4 mi i thought....well 4 e 1st three months, i had no (or rather few) friends..u ask pinky or ur di..they would agree tat i am damm quiet those days...i begin to make a few friends, but they r frenz that r rather superficial....i begin to chose a path, driven purely by my academic pursuits, but it was a path to loneliness and coldness at the summit. But had i tell myself to turn back when i begin 2 lose my friend one by one? No..i decided 2 continue on...as i begin my sec 2, i think i am rather a empty shell without any true friends de person, i think that were rather huge emo' de hole tat needs to fill in...n tats y i nearly fall into e trap set by pinky n friends...tat incident made mi woke up from my slumber...sec 3 yr was no where better, till i meet ma n her friends...ma soon becum my pillar of my support, my pillar tat i will look to for encouragements.....
Had u ask mi why did i own a hp? Who in the world dont want to have such things? I dare to dream, but i dont dare to ask 4 it...i dont wanna add burden to my dad n mum...days nowadays (when we moved to sembawang e time) was still ok, we werent tat poor, but neither are we tat rich...my mom realized tat it will be soon very hard 2 satisfy both me n my bro de wants... so i nw had a internet connection...but do i dare to ask for a higher speed de internet speed? Nah.. i nw had a computer...but do i dare to ask my mom to buy another new de computersince it was rather old? Nah... i nw had a tv...but do i dare to ask for a cable de tv?Nah..i dont dare to, as i know tat evry penny tat my dad n mom earned was bloodshed.
So as 4 nw, i think tat i am at a cross road...shld i continue (but having high chances of me being left out) or shld i turn back (where i most likely will return back to my old shelf)....i dont know, seriously....